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Archive for October, 2009
Thursday, October 29th, 2009
We’ve all been there. You like that cute girl or cute guy in your office. And when they’re in your face almost all day, that girl or guy can be very hard to get out of your mind (and heart).
Some companies frown upon workplace romances, sometimes to the point of making it a written rule office romances are forbidden. So you have to ask yourself – is this person worth losing your job over? Especially in today’s economic climate?
And then there’s a greater problem: what do you do if the romance heats up, fizzles, and you still have to face the person each weekday? Once you’ve looked at these harsh realities, there’s another thing to consider – apart from dating websites, one of main places American singles meet each other is at work. Studies reveal that up to 33 percent of American’s met their beloved in the workplace environment.
As John Reh, a senior business executive, writes on about.com: “Office romance is somewhat common these days given that the office is where we spend a good deal of our time. Managed well it can lead to a relationship. Managed badly it can lead to a lawsuit for harassment.”
Irrespective of your company’s rules, nothing can stand in the way of love (or lust, as the case may be). And if you have an inkling that the cute clerk feels the same way about you as you do about them, then take a chance, but do so with caution and common sense.
Karl and Christine are two IT workers from the Mid-West who found love in the office. They are now married with two sons. “We were lucky,” says Karl. “At first we didn’t know whether to go public about our relationship, but we decided that our co-workers were cool people, and that it was a progressive company with no anti-romance rules. So we took the chance and came right out and told our colleagues that we were dating.”
Adds Christine: “We found out that not only was everyone happy for us, they all knew we were attracted to each other before we even realized it ourselves!” Asked if they would have gone ahead with the relationship if their company had been stricter about love in the workplace, Karl replies: “Christine is the woman of my dreams. I would have risked my job for her. Even if it didn’t work out, at least I knew I gave it my best shot.”
Lifestyle expert Dr. Laura Berman, offers some great advice on Yahoo.com: “Maintain professionalism as much as possible when on the job, and hold off on the cutesy nicknames and special treatment for when you have left work. In addition, don’t dedicate all your time to each other. Upholding a rapport with other colleagues is part of being an accomplished businessperson, as you never know whether you will need those contacts again at another stage”.
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Sunday, October 25th, 2009
When it comes to dating younger (or older) people, how much age difference is acceptable?
They met on the job. He was 45 and had more charisma than most. She was 19, beautiful and mature beyond her years. There’s an age difference here of some 26 years. We can hear you hollering from all corners of cyberspace…”Oh! That’s just too much!” But would it make a difference if we told you the “job” they met at was in fact a film set and the people we’re talking about are none other than Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall? Yep, one of the greatest of all Hollywood couples were born more than two decades apart and who can doubt their love?
To take a more modern example, let’s look at Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. He’s 16 years younger than her, they said it would never last, and here there are, some six years later.
realsexedfact.com says: “The most crucial element to realize is that whilst our bodies will exhibit our age to a certain level, age is most important when it refers to maturity. Whether you discovery yourself to be the younger or the older individual in a relationship, take into account whether your maturity levels are comparable. You might discover in life that a fifty year old and a thirty year old may be quite alike with respect to their level of maturity. This all comes down to their life experiences, personal expectations and goals”.
When it comes to love and sexual attraction, it’s about the chemistry between two people, not their birthdates. The biggest challenge faced by couples that have a big gap in years between them is, you guessed it, social pressure. If you decide to date someone who’s a lot older or younger than you, people will talk. And let them talk. It’s your happiness on the line.
With online dating websites booming, and society becoming more open, people are meeting more and more potential partners in singles chat rooms, and sometimes, those people defy their age expectations.
Age, as is often said, is all in the mind. There are twenty-somethings that act like 50-year-olds, and 50-year-olds that are just teenagers at heart. It’s all about shared interests and values. How well you get along. Not how old you are. If you’ve met some wonderful person but are uncomfortable about the age gap, ask yourself why? Is it just because you’re scared of what your family ad friends will say? If so, then that’s a little mental hurdle to overcome. But if your relationship looks like it’s going to be serious, and you’re concerned about things like having children or that you’ll still be relatively young when they’re retiring, these things are only obstacles when they’re not talked about.
Communication is the other buzz word when it comes to relationships, so talk about your fears with your partner – and you may find that not only do they share your worries, but once your concerns are aired, they will vanish into the ether.
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Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
If you’re single or have children and use the internet as a social tool, you need to know the potential dangers of socializing online.
Vulnerability plays a huge role for online dating predators and they will stop at nothing in their relentless pursuit for self gain. Nigeria and Senegal are two countries that have a massive underground network and thriving illegal economy based on deceiving lonely hearts. These countries are a breeding ground for online con artists as their governments do not police these criminal activities as online fraud is part of their economies. A bit like the opium farmers in Afghanistan, or the clothing markets in South East Asia who sell fake designer goods, the governments won’t stop it because such illegal activities prop up their economies and provide income for the people that governments can’t.
Common sense will see you beat the criminals and allow you to utilize the power of online dating sites to meet real and genuine singles . Begin your online chat anonymously, and give very little away until you know what you’re getting yourself into. Don’t be too eager to rush out and meet a guy until you have been able to verify certain things. You want to know the basics, where he lives, his home phone number, and where he works etc. I’m not suggesting you turn up at his home or work place, but it’s a simple process of indentifying him and eliminating doubt.
Here is a typical example of a scam email, although common sense would indicate it’s not genuine, some inexperienced singles who are new to online dating sites will get caught out.
“Hello my dearest, even so we never knew one another, after attending to your dating profile I know we can be more than friends and share much love and happiness in marriage. My family is from of import wealth and my dying father has necessitated me to deposit $8,000,000 into your appointed banking institution so we can start a family. Please react to this email destination with your bank facility numbers so my very sick father can complete the distraction before his death so we can be marry”.
The best thing you can do is to delete the email and don’t engage them at all, you are just one of thousands of people who have been spammed. The sad thing is, people really do fall for these scammers and have no way of catching them as they are international criminals and local authorities have no jurisdiction.
Always take heed of your instincts. And always remember, online dating is fun, convenient and perfect for new relationships, but never allow your safety to be compromised. If your instinct says it’s wrong – then it’s wrong, don’t settle for anything else.
Posted in Dating Tips, Online Dating | Comments Off
Monday, October 19th, 2009
Online dating addiction is something that is increasing, and health professionals are reporting record numbers of addicts seeking help. Shrinking disposable incomes are being blamed as the main reason alarming numbers of online singles are becoming addicted.
Large numbers of people are switching to online dating for sex and relationships compared to conventional means of socializing such as bar hopping. Why? because online dating is either dirt cheap or 100% free, and just because people have run out of money doesn’t mean their desire to hook up has wavered. Quite the opposite in fact, Professor Buckley from Monash University and the Sex/Wellness Research Centre tells us ” Our questionnaire to both our students and their family members who are aged under 28 years of age and who are single were asked whether their social behaviours had changed since the recession impacted the economy”.
Out of the 728 respondents, bars, night clubbing, private parties and social functions were frequented by 78% of singles under 28 years of age (14% chose online dating) as their instinctive social alternative, pre-recession. Unfortunately, and with 7 million American’s out of work, blowing hundreds of dollars on a single night out on the town is simply no option.
It is also no option for our youth to stop advancing their opportunities to find a partner or to find sex, and since the recession kicked in, the internet is now what 61% of our randy respondents chose as their primary method of meeting people.
Online dating can be rather consuming. It’s very easy to grow into a habit of checking your dating site for new messages multiple times a day. And thus, you are a candidate for online dating addiction. A five minute scan of your new messages can so easily turn into several hours of replying to new messages etc and if one of your friends sees that you’re online, you can also get side tracked in live chat rooms – hang on, I was only checking my messages – five hours later!
Another big mistake online singles are making is joining multiple online dating sites to increase their chances of more dates. All that happens with this scenario is that you end up soaking up all your time managing your presence on the various sites instead of using your time diligently short listing suitable singles on just one dating site.
People addicted to online dating need to prioritize their lives to include more balance and make strict time lines when they are online and avoid becoming obsessed with it. Work out what you want. Whether you are only in it for sex or are looking for romance, don’t waste your precious time chatting to and emailing other members you are engaging just for the sake of it.
You will have far more success with online dating if you know when to move on to the next person, or whether it’s even worth replying to some messages at all.
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Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Office affairs can be tricky – but dating your boss is an even trickier proposition. Anyone involved in an office romance fears what will happen if the affair turns sour, but these fears are even greater if it’s your boss.
Falling for your boss is a minefield because he or she has a power over you that a co-worker you may be having an affair with simply does not. Plus you could get accused of receiving special treatment if word of the affair gets out.
Jenn Malko sums up the difficulties in her article of cupidsreview.com: “Your boss controls what happens in a company. They generally give out raises and bonuses, assign tasks and determine your career path within that organization. Having someone like this in your pocket can go a long way. Ask yourself what your career goals are. How important are they to you? If things go south in this company, what options do you have?
It’s important to consider this when someone you’re about to have a relationship with can choose to help or hinder your growth in your field. Your boss is also the one who is supposed to write letters of recommendation so if you do find yourself on the street after your romance ends, you might find it difficult to get your next job. Keep your career in mind before you make any moves!”
But love knows no logic. If you’ve fallen hard for your boss – and asked yourself the hard questions – chances are your heart is speaking louder than our head.
Juan, a 27-year-old junior marketing executive, fell for his boss and advises others in the same position to think twice. “I was smitten with her. She was so clever and gorgeous and everything I had ever wanted in a woman – or so I thought. We went on a few dates and it went well at first then the spark went out of it. It started to get real awkward in the office when I realized she liked me more than I liked her. I started dating a lovely woman I met through one of the free dating websites but kept it a secret, although I did confide in one co-worker, who let it slip one evening after a few drinks while we were all out at a company dinner.
“The very next day my boss started picking fault with my work – and it just got worse and worse until I finally decided to leave. Luckily, I found another – and better – job at a rival company. So in a way, it worked out well for me. But if I was in the same position again, I wouldn’t do it.”
Maryanne, a 23-year-old who worked for a large telecommunications company, has a very different story…”The moment I laid eyes on my boss, I knew he was the one for me. I know sounds corny, but it was love at first sight. I was crazy about him. It took six months before anything happened between us. It was the office Christmas party. We got together on a drunken night, but the next day, he called me and we discussed our situation at length. We made an agreement to be mature about it if things didn’t pan out between us. We agreed that we were grown-up enough to handle whatever happened without either of us having to leave our jobs. We never told our co-workers. “We’ve been together almost a year now, and I couldn’t be happier. We’re even talking about tying the knot!”
Comparing these Juan and Maryanne’s stories, the lesson here is to get an idea of what sort of person your boss really is before you take the plunge.
Posted in Dating Tips, Romance | Comments Off
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