Going on a first date to the movies and dinner is the most common choice for first dates in America according to relationships guru, Diane Bishop. But is dinner and a movie the best choice?
Sitting face to face for an hour at a restaurant with someone you hardly know is not the ideal way to casually get to know someone. And sitting next to this person for 2 hours without being able to communicate during the movie doesn’t seem like a sensible way to find out more about each others personalities. So why is dinner and a movie the most popular first date choice in the world? Answer: habit, and ‘playing it safe’
The thing is, singles who are dating around and looking for a spark don’t want to ‘play it safe’ We are all looking for someone who will make a lasting impression, someone that can show their individual qualities and won’t hide behind the patterns of society.
Perhaps you have already met the love of your life, and dinner at the same restaurants or take out from the same Thai place every Friday night is starting to become a ‘habit’- you need to broaden your horizons before your relationship gets stuck in 2nd gear.
Here’s something you may never have thought of, it’s cheap, very engaging and will show your date you have an interesting personality. The relationships game called – The Do Tell Game – which uses cards to prompt you to talk about certain things that are important to you and is a fantastic way to break the ice. The Do Tell Game is played with a deck of cards so you can take it on a date in any environment. Grab a blanket, a bottle of wine, sit by the lake and probe each others mind with this cool dating game.
Try this dating game out. Probably not so much for a first date, but hey, stranger things have happened! ‘Nookii’ provides participants with a timer, and the rules of Nookkii state that you must pleasure your partner for the length of time as set by the timer rules. Each person is dealt cards that instruct the other person to perform an act of pleasure on the other player. The “mmm” cards initiate tame instructions such as a back rub or foot massage, and as the game progresses the “ooh” cards start to turn up the heat – get the idea?
Many of us (most males) assume the stereotypical type of date such as an expensive restaurant and expensive wine is the only solution to successfully romancing your date. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Just ask any woman – would she prefer going on a date to an expensive restaurant, or grabbing a bottle of champagne, a snack and a blanket, then lying under the stars at night at the beach or some other secluded romantic spot.
Dating with these alternative options saves money, shows your unique side, and encourages couples to interact.
It all began with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail. The notion that one could fall in love with a complete stranger through emails, chats and IM’s was a romantic, if not endearing thought to a technologically savvy audience. Considering the fact that dating and getting dates is very difficult for some people, especially shy or socially awkward people, online dating provides a king of safe haven and an experimentally safe place for people to figure out just what exactly it is that they want in a relationship without the humiliation and hurt that can occur in the real world. As with You’ve Got Mail one could be attracted to another someone on line but in real life they are business rivals, each seeking to have their own way. For the hopeless romantic, online dating can blossom into a long lasting and meaningful relationship.
Some facts about online dating, which make it so successful are that there are approximately 4o million users on dating sites throughout the world. There are hundreds of these sites through the internet and most of these sites have privacy policies which block unwanted posters, should the member of the site need such actions taken. Some sites boast free membership, some have a small monthly free, while others charge a year’s membership at one time. Serious and cautious users will take the time needed to investigate the sites and their privacy and protection policies. This information will allow them to make the online dating site choice that is right for them.
As with anything new there are some tips to remember when one embarks into a new world. For most singles, online dating is a new world at some point. When taking pictures for the online profile, try to have a normal smile in every day clothes with the usual amount of make up and hair that is normal for the profiler. Using a high school glamour shot or a completely faked photo is not a good idea. This is the image for which other members will decide about one’s prospects, so the more honest the picture the better the outcome. When communicating with potential dates keep the conversations positive and light. Refrain from negatively portraying any past lovers or friends. Remember that a positive attitude can be just as attractive as a model’s façade and sometimes even more refreshing. Also, when getting to know one another, do not share all the skeletons hiding in the closet. The fear of commitment which one feels after being jilted at the altar should not be the first topic of conversation on a first date. If the relationship progresses to the point that a conversation about past lovers is appropriate then have that conversation, but do not rush in to it.
Lastly, using a pet as an ice breaker could be a good way to begin a conversation but not a relationship. No one wants to chat forever about which dog food is better or how angry Mr. Whiskers gets when his owner brings someone new home. The great thing about pets is that, while they can provide comfort and friendship when one is lonely they can adjust to a new person in their owner’s life relatively quickly. Just do not allow Mr. Whiskers to call all the shots when dating or he will never allow a date to happen.
A refreshing attitude is sometimes just what you need to find that perfect partner so we wanted to kick off 2010 with a positive start and do what we do best…help people find that perfect partner. We have a few online dating resolutions for you to have a look at. They are some simple steps towards a successful online dating relationship for 2010…..hope they come in handy!
Dedication
Be dedicated to your online dating journey, we all know that it can be a slightly daunting idea if it is a new venture, but remember you are always less vulnerable on a online dating site then you are when you are out on a Friday night! With online dating you are always in control of the situation. Try not to do the normal New Year thing and start something that you don’t finish. Log onto your profile at least 3 days per week. Contact people, don’t just wait for them to come to you, have some fun with it, send out at least five e-mails a week and you will be very surprised what you get in return. Try going that one step further with your online journey and head out on a social dating event, like a speed dating evening. They are great fun and you never know who you may meet there. Find time for your new online fun, don’t make excuses as to why you can’t log on or why you can’t e-mail back that cute guy that contacted you last week. Your not to busy, you do have the time and if you don’t you never know what might be passing you by.
Promote Yourself
Put yourself out there, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Some people may find it hard to free themselves from modesty and have a little boast, but there are many ways around this. Get some friends to help you out, ask them what they like about you and what they feel your best features are. Any compliment you have ever had, throw that into the mix. The more you add to your profile, the higher your chances are of finding that perfect partner, the more you put out there about what you want the more likely to are to meet Mr or Mrs right.
Open – Minded
Going into online dating with an open mind is the best thing you can possible do to come out with successful results. Don’t start writing people off straight away, give them a chance. Try not to pick at small little things, as more than likely they will not become an issue in the long run, its often just an excuse people tell themselves. Expand your options as to what you want from your online experience. Don’t think too much about a first date, fingers crossed it will go somewhere but it may not, take it in your stride and think about it as just two people having a meeting and not a romantic rendezvous this will take a bit of the pressure of you, and if it doesn’t work out it can help you in defining what you are looking for in a partner. Perhaps get a friend to pick out a hotty for you, it may be someone you over looked.
Stay Motivated
Online dating is very satisfying but at times it can also be slightly frustrating. You may need to remind yourself why you are doing it and what you want out of it. The positives will definitely outweigh the negatives you just need to stay motivated and focus on all the positives that you have got out of the site such as all the great first dates you have and that really nice e-mail you got from that stunning girl. The more motivated you are towards your online profile the better outcomes you will have, a positive attitude = a happy heart
It’s not always easy to keep your resolutions but the secret is to take baby steps. Not everything will happen at once, you need to have patience. It is hard sometimes, especially when the results are not necessarily immediate, but when they do come they will be great and definitely worth waiting for!
When anyone first ventures into online dating they are confronted with a wide array of unfamiliar terms, which at first may seem confusing. What exactly is a profile? Why are people ‘winking’ at me? What is a hotlist? Most dating sites include a range of tool to help members find their ideal match and make contact. But what is the use of all these bells and whistles if nobody explains how to use them.
Well now relax! Here are a couple of helpful ladies who will take you through some of these terms and explain exactly what they mean and how you can some useful tools to help find your first online date.
If you think marriage or a partner will ‘make you happy’, you’re wrong. Sure, it can bring all sorts of good things into our lives, but once the honeymoon’s over, you may find your happiness level is no different to when you were flying solo.
Being single is not a transition point between relationships. But many people, especially women, don’t feel ‘whole’ unless they have someone to share their lives with.
The TV show Sex & The City celebrated single life and showed it in all its glory – of course, all those girls (except, perhaps, feisty, sexually liberated Samantha) were looking for love but they did not feel incomplete without it. The show was honest about single life – highlighted its freedoms along with its difficulties.
The history of singledom’s an interesting one. Where men could be ‘confirmed bachelors’, women were ‘old maids’, or worse, ‘spinsters’ – a word that should be put in the past where it belongs.
Men have always had the edge on singledom – which is not to say men don’t need and crave love and warmth as much as women, it’s just that for men, it’s more acceptable to be single. It’s a hangover from an age where women, if not married by a certain age, were stuck living with their families as they were unable to make a living by themselves.
But it’s different for modern women who have freedoms unimagined by their great grandmothers. An article on webmd.com puts things in perspective. Health writer Jeanie Lerche Davis busts the myths of being single in an interview with Bella M. DePaulo, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and the author of Singled Out.
“One report analyzing 900 couples for 9 years ascertained that wedlock offered only a “small portion” of joy during the short time nearest to the nuptials. “But on average, later on, folks go back to the path they are used to. The research worker’s position is that we all have a baseline of felicity, and marriage generally speaking isn’t going to alter that — apart from that little portion of initial bliss,” DePaulo says. In fact, comparing marriage and single life “happiness analysis studies” are usually seriously blemished”, she adds.
Ask Barbara Feldon, best known and loved for her role as Agent 99 on TV’s classic sit-come, Get Smart. Feldon authored Living Alone and Loving It: A Guide to Relishing the Solo Life to much acclaim from single women everywhere.
“I didn’t mean it to be a self-help book, but I’m sort of happy it is,” Feldon told The Seattle Times. “I love writing, and I’d been talking to people who live by themselves and feel they’re living a half life until they meet the mate and have a real life. And I felt what a shame because there are two ways to be really happy and one is to have a great mate – and the other is to live by yourself and not have a great mate but to have great friends and interests and creative time.”
Single girls looking to meet new friends can join our free online dating website. Join to meet UK singles online or read more of our blog for advice on dating and relationships
